I feel bad that I only write things on this blog now when im depressed or upset. But that's ok, this is mostly for me anyway, and I need an outlet for this crazy time.
I still feel alone in NYC, and im still waiting for when I will be content with it.
Too many things change too quickly here. One day the sun is out, the next day its raining. One day I feel happy, and by night im really sad. I just want things to stand still.
I feel more disconnected from my family and friends more than ever, and im not even trying hard to reconnect. There's no point I don't feel like I'm even worth the time, let alone interesting enough to really listen to. Some days I care about the world and everyone in it. Some days I don't care about anyone or I don't want to think about anything.
I love this time of my life for the freedom, yet I hate this time of my life from the loneliness. Its just always changing. I wonder how much longer things will be this way. And I wonder how long I have been this way. 5 years? 5 minutes? Will it feel different 5 seconds from now...
